The most expensive wedding mistake.

This may seem a strange post, from someone who makes a living from people getting married, and thinks that marriage is brilliant. Being very happily married myself.

But and it is a big but,

Someone recently asked me what was the most expensive wedding mistake, and I replied honestly. Marrying the wrong person. Is by far the most expensive mistake you can make both financially and emotionally.

Which made me realise, that in the past your priest or vicar, would at some level question your commitment to marriage and your partner, these days that rarely happens. The wedding industry as a whole wants you to get married.  Your families and partner wants you to get married. Before long you get carried away and the event becomes more than just a celebration of your relationship. In some cases it can become the driving force, the money and effort invested almost forces you to go through with your wedding, despite having serious doubts.

I personally know three people who knew on their wedding day and for months before, that the marriage was a big mistake, but felt obliged and under pressure to go through with it.

As a wedding co-ordinator its not my role or right to influence your matrimonial decisions.

However I do feel that some impartial advice now, before you start on your journey together could stop you making the most expensive wedding mistake.


Here are some questions that may help you decide, if you have serious issues in your relationship.

Does your relationship make you happy most of the time? We all have little hiccups, but if your relationship makes you unhappy most of the time. Then you really need to question if you should get married.

Do you trust your partner to be honest and faithful in your relationship? I’m not saying that you can trust anyone 100%. In fact if you do, then you’re more likely to take your relationship for granted. I’m asking if you feel that they are basically honest with you. If you know that they are not, then you really should question why you are marrying them.

Do you trust yourself to be honest and faithful in your relationship? Again I don't believe we can trust ourselves 100%. We all do stupid things occasionally and wonder why we did them. I am asking
Do you already regularly lie to your partner, have you already been unfaithful? If the answer is yes, then you really need to think through your decisions to marry.

Forget the great things about your relationship for a moment. Great things about a relationship rarely are the reason marriages break up. It’s those things that you can't stand, the things that irritate you, the things that make you unhappy, that break up relationships. Can you live with those for the next 20 years, if the answer is no, chances are you won't change them, and will have to live with them. So you need to sit down and work out why you are continuing along this path.

Do you feel superior, or inferior to your partner? Do you feel that you are doing your partner a favour getting married, or that they are doing you a favour marrying you? I'm not talking about the feeling that you are lucky to have found that perfect soul mate. I am asking if you have respect for your partner, if you think they are inferior to you, before you marry, then it won't be long before you take them for granted.
If you feel inferior to your partner, is it because they make you feel stupid, or is it something that you feel anyway. You need to work out why you feel inferior, and make sure that you put this right. Otherwise you may become a doormat or suffer from jealousy, always waiting for your partner to find someone, who is his or her equal.
Unless these issues are addressed, then the marriage is doomed to be very rocky, until they are addressed.

If either you or your partner are violent in your relationship, that issue really needs addressing before you even consider getting married.

If you have ready through this blog, and none of these questions have any relevancy in your relationship, then congratulations and you will have a long and happy relationship, as long as you remember, that honesty and respect, are the cornerstones of happy relationships.

If you read through this blog and one or more of those sections were recognisable. Before you book your wedding venue, or caterer, you need to work on that issue.

If your venues booked, and your caterer is booked, and reading those sections made you feel sick with worry, and brought on the feeling of complete panic. Then you really need to think about stepping backwards,

Going through with the wedding knowing that it’s a complete mistake, may seem the easier thing to do at this moment. But if you really feel that you’re making a huge mistake, in the long run it’s much easier and less destructive to get out now.

If you need to find a councillor try here http://www.pinkfridge.com/lal_marriagecounselling/premarital.htm

I would really appreciate any comments from people who made the most expensive wedding mistake, about any other worrying signs and if they feel that this is a useful post.

For those of you who made it through the questions unscathed, I would be more than happy to work with you on creating the perfect engagement party or wedding for you the very happy couple.

Rattytatty http://www.rattytattydesigns.co.uk/